Instant Messenger, the Freddy Krueger of Technology

This afternoon, after taking full advantage of my parents' pool, I took a nice shower. I was alone in the house and as I was stepping out, I heard rap music blasting somewhere in the house. Even if someone had come home while I was in the shower, nobody in my house would be likely to be listening to Lil' Wayne at full volume, so I froze. Would an intruder immediately put on a cd of his favorite music before going about his criminal business? Unlikely, but the murderer in Funny Games does put on classical music before chasing a little boy through an empty, dark, neighbor's house: neighbors he has already killed with a shotgun. Maybe this was my particular home intuder's M.O. Or maybe he just forgot to turn his cell phone off and the ringer was now giving him away. These things were running through my head as I stood poised inside the bathroom door trying to listen for anything other than a smackin' bassline.

But eventually, I just "aww fuck it" shrugged and darted into my room, which is right next to the bathroom. And I run smack dab into the source: my laptop. Instant messenger is playing some promo for AOL Radio. I hate when they do this. The same thing used to happen in college. There was some ad for that ventriloquist movie, Dead Silence, and it would come on really late when I was trying to sleep and I forgot to turn my speakers off, and it would scare the shit out of me.

So, it's been doing this all day, Carrie Underwood, Miley Cyrus*, Finger Eleven. Startling me with terrible music. You've done it again, AIM Machine. Thank you.

*"See You Again" is not terrible music. It's got me hooked. Who am I kidding?

Think of a Celebrity Named Bill. They're Probably Crazy, Especially Pullman

I like being me. Save for the fact that I'm living in New Castle and in desperate indecision over where I'm going to apply to graduate school, let alone what kind of program, or "what I want to do with my life" I do like being me. And it's because of moments like yesterday's.


I drove up to Riverview Park on the North Side to go for a late-afternoon jog. As I got out of my car, a man on a bike with what appeared to be some kind of quasi-mullet passed me and said, "hey, you're looking good." I didn't really understand what he said until after he had passed, so I waved and nodded. So I guess I confirmed the fact that I looked good or communicated to him that he was also looking good. I'm not sure what I communicated, but things were certainly not "looking good." So I started jogging. I've never been to Riverview Park, so the run was a bit of a gamble. At one point I was pretty deep into the trail and I came to a three-way intersection. So I slowed down and swung out to look at the signs to see if one had directions back to the park entrance, when who should pull up behind me but Bike Man. He shouted something to me, but I had my ipod on, so I paused it and asked him what he wanted. He waved me over. "Do you like to talk and work out?"

"Uh, not usually."

(I especially don't enjoy being gawked at or hit on while working out; besides the obvious creepiness-factor, I don't care to draw any extra attention to my running style, which has been described as "like a T-Rex")

"Well, can I meet you at your car or at the playground after your workout?"

(YIIKES. Lifetime movie scene?)

"No, I have to go somewhere after this."

(Luckily he did not ask a follow-up question, because I had nowhere to go and my brain was tired and sure to produce an unrealistic and terrible lie, like to a Memorial Day Picnic or to the barber's.)

"Do you come here a lot?"

(Nice use of the classic pick-up line in an untraditional setting. Kudos, Bike Man.)

"Uh, sometimes on the weekends."

(This was actually a lie; I've never been to Riverview Park and I have no plans to go back in the immediate future.)

"When do you usually come here?"

(I haven't mentioned it before but Bike Man had long, long, questionably-mulleted hair in a ponytail and was wearing full biking attire.)

"Oh, on the weekends...sometimes"

(This may seem like I was playing into Bike Man's hands, but the reality is I don't go to Riverview Park on the weekends and if I would have admitted this, persistant Bike Man surely would have proposed we meet somewhere else.)


"Well, I'm usually here every day between five and six. I just wanted to tell you you're looking good and I'd like to talk to you some more."

"Thanks. Bye. Have a good workout."

And then he pedaled away and I ran up a HUGE hill. Riverview Park is actually really nice and I'd recommend it to any joggers or park-goers. It's also home to the Allegheny Observatory, and although I've been to the observatory before, it still suprised me by being there. I don't remember it being in a park. I just remember going for Astronomy class and not being able to see anything cool because there was poor visibility or something.

A few other things:

1. I love all of the Penguins. I want to bake them all protein-infused brownies and scratch their beards. Also, Gonchar kind of looks like my boyfriend, so by the transitive property, I like my boyfriend more now. He is benefiting from Gonchar's awesomeness.

2. Is anybody else heartbroken on hearing the allegations that Bill Murray abused his wife? I hope they're proven false, because I love Bill Murray more than I love the Penguins. I used to want to bake him magic green Slimer brownies and serve him tall cool glasses of Ecto Cooler and scratch his beard.